Letting Go...to Live Again

Wow, lets just say I have been through hell and back these last few months. My heart has been taken out of my chest and completely ripped apart. I swore I would never let anybody get that close to me again to ever break my heart, but no matter what you say or do you just can't prevent yourself from falling in love. It took me until today to honestly see a different side to things. I spent days and nights crying because I just didn't know what happened. I was left with so many thoughts running in my head and so many unanswered questions about why? What happened? I was left to fill in the gaps myself which just made it even harder for me to get over things..more difficult to realize how things were and just to move on.

Whoever said just ignoring the problem and just compeltely stop talking was seriously wrong. Ignoring a problem is never the best way to get over things let alone stop completely talking to the person you supposively have problems with. I just got out of a relationship about 3 months ago and until today I just couldn't understand the whys about it all. I was left with so many questions unanswered because she decided to just completely cut all contact off with me. All I wanted was some answers so I could move on and live my life again. Instead, I spents days blaming myself for all that went wrong and why things were the way they are now because of me. I always tend to blame myself when things end up bad because I just would rather blame myself than the other person. Until today, I would only blame myself for my latest relationship ending because I just felt like I was the one left so I must be the reason why it all didn't work out.

I have tried my hardest to fix what was broken. I spent hours writing a letter explaining my changes and just everything that has been circling in my head the last few months. For some reason, I felt like I needed to write this letter to make her see everything I have been trying to figure out and to help her realize things will be ok. I've decided not to give her this letter because I shouldn't have to explain my love for her and convince her that loving me is ok because I never once had to rethink my love for her. My love for her has never been the issue, but for her it has. Help her understand that Love will and always will be the answer and will help people get through anything no matter the problems they are faced with. I have done everything in my heart to convince her that I'm sorry and that what we have is the real deal, but today something just cameover me. I haven't had this much relief for a few months and I feel free finally.

I'm done blaming myself for everything that went wrong and why things are the way they are right now. I won't ever blame myself for a relationship ending because it takes two people to make or break a relationship. I never will regret falling in love with her because I still am and will always have love for her because I never fell so deeply in love with somebody until her. I have had a few other relationships where we werent together long enough for me to fall for the other person and those other girls I never saw myself with longer than a few months. My latest ex was totally different though and no matter how hard I tried to prevent myself for falling for her, love was always stronger than I could ever fight against. I use to blame myself for her falling for me that if I just suppressed my feelings that they would just eventually go away and her and I would have never started dating. The thing is, is that I don't blame myself anymore for her falling for me because I did nothing to make her fall in love with me, she did it herself. I never forced her or pushed her into loving me because love can not be forced into somebody, it just happens. And now it is time for her to realize that loving me is ok no matter if I am a girl because gender has nothing to do with it, you fall for the person not their gender. Loving her was the easiest thing for me, but in the end that never mattered.

I won't continue to blame myself for us falling in love because I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I would go through all of this pain and suffering just cause the good memories I had with her will always out weight the bad. I still smile and sometimes laugh when something reminds me of her or reminds me of the stupid things we use to do. I passed a fountain the other day while driving and I just started laughing because her and I would always joke about putting bubbles in a fountain, but we found out it was a felony so we decided against doing that lol. It is the things like that just reminds me that no matter what has happened that we had those good times together and those are the memories I will continue to rememeber when I think about her. I know the person she is and who i have grown to love and I will never think negatively of her or talk negatively about her ever. I have no reason to just cause we are not together doesn't mean I hate her or a need to think badly of her. It just means that what her and I had was good for that time and it just isn't our time yet. And who knows what the future will bring, but right now i'm going to focus on myself and living again.

I need to start living my life again and doing that without having the worry of somebodyelse. I've changed so much about myself recently and I only know with time that there are more great things to come for me. I am letting go of a huge part of my life to focus on being happy again and I know it wont be easy, but it has to be better than what I have been going through the last few months. I have the best friends and family a girl could ask for. Without any of them I would be in a huge hole probably not trying to dig myself out of and just probably still at the point where I was 3 months ago. It took me 3 months to let go and move on. The sadness, the emptiness, the hurt will all still be here for awhile until I find something better to take its place, but i'm not worried. I'm not worried that I'll find the happiness again that I had with her and who knows like I said what the future may bring. Time is what helps a person heal and that is all I need is time. Time for myself to grow and learn to live again. It is finally time to Let go to live again.

What If...?

God Grant Me The Serenity to Accept The Things That I Can Not Change

In the last few months I have gone through a lot of stress. I had problems with my drinking, work, family, and my relationship. Lets just face it, I've gone through a crazy rollercoaster of emotions since before college. One of my friends who has helped me out and been there for me the last couple of months introduced me to this prayer, The Serenity Prayer. It was what I honestly needed at that point in time, it is what I need and live by every single day of my life since then. This friend even though outside conflicts should or could prevent her from hanging out with me let alone talking to me, she still finds the time to be there for me no matter what I'm going through. It is the small things people do that people respect more than something huge and her introducing me to this prayer has meant more to me and has helped me more than anybody will ever know.

This friend told me when she says this prayer she only recites the first 3 lines of the prayer and that's what I started to do a few months ago. It was the point in my life where I was at my lowest point and I just felt like I was alone. I felt like I had nobody even though I had everybody that I needed to help me get past my struggles that I was going through.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change,

The courage to change the things that I can. The Wisdom to know the difference."

 But it was this prayer that had the most affect on me, it was what taught me the meaning of life. It taught me everything that i needed to change the person that I was and understand that I could change. I've lived my life not believing that no matter how hard a person works that things will always stay the same. That a person can never change the person that they are or the things in that person's life. But, what I have learned and come to the realization is that I just didn't understand the difference between the things that I can change compared to the things that I have no control over. I focused more of my time on just not accepting that no matter how bad you want something to change that not everything you want can be fixed. People can not go through life trying to change things that just can't and wont ever change. We all need to focus on the stuff we can change because that is when we start growing and actually living our lives the way we all should.

 I still am struggling with figuring out the issues in my life that I can fix compared to the ones that I'm just wasting my time hoping and praying that those will eventually change. It is a daily struggle for me and I know I have so much more to learn, but I know life will never be a walk in the park. I've accepted the recent changes that I have changed about my life and I'm proud thus far of my accomplishments. I never would have thought a few months ago that I would be sitting here today blogging about my life let alone blogging about a prayer that has changed my life, but I am. I never would have thought that I would be interested in reading the bible and getting to know God, but I am. I know I have a lot of changes ahead of me, but i'm not scared anymore on what is to come. I'm ready to take a leap of faith and just run with whatever is brought to me. I've gotten this far and right now I am learning to just focus on the stuff I can change within my life and trying to focus less on the things that I can not change. That is how i'm going to live my life now because I want to love life again and with time I truly believe I will love life fully again.

The Last Something That Meant Anything

"The Last Something That Meant Anything"

Well I thought that we could sit around and, talk for hours
About things I couldn't say to you
And things that we could never do and,
This conversation has had no face
When the words take days you can re-write and erase anything

You know my heart (so tell me honestly, did you ever really want this?)
Knows all these

And I'll borrow words from all my favourite paragraphs
To write a ballad while we say the things
We'd hope would mean the most to me
And each line is sent
I have found a new pages of hope for the days
when I feel like I've lost everything

You know my heart (so tell me honestly, did you ever really want this?)
Knows all these lines (cause my jealous heart really can't take that)
So I'll sing this song for everyone that's come out lost

But, I'll be OK (Is that what you want me to say?)
It's called breakup
Cause it's broken
But I'll be OK (is that what you want me to say?)
It's called breakup
Cause it's broken

I'll be OK
Is that what you want me to say?
It's called Breakup
Cause it's broken
[repeats]

[singing]
I'll be OK, is that what you want me to say?
Cause it's broken
And you were just about to tell me
How you meant that you were sorry
And the lines we've said that
Never meant the world to you
Broke me down
lets keep it slow
Take every note and every page that takes you longer
The cherry flavored kisses
Well I taste them
Do you miss it?

I'll be OK
Is that what you want me to say?
It's called Breakup
Cause it's broken
[x2]

Well I thought that we could sit around and talk for hours
About things I couldn't say to you
And things that we could never do

God Hear My Prayer

It is 2:48 in the morning and I catch my mind wondering in so many directions. My mind is just cluttered, fogged up with so many worries, emotions and thoughts from the last few days...no the last couple of months. When did life get so complicated? When did life stop being fun? I wish that I could just go back to when I was in elementary school and all the worries I had were learning to multiply and memorizing the capitals to all 50 states. Those days are far from over and when I think I closer to being worry free...Life takes another drastic turn and puts me back at square one.

It is just weird how one day you go from believing you are a changed person to quickly changing your thinking after hearing certain words from a person you hold close to your heart. I've been called manipulative, crazy, said I was hated, and told that i deserve to be treated the exact same way how I treated this person. Then I was told by the same person that I was amazing, was still in love with, and made this person so happy before. I look at everything that this person has labeled me as through the last couple of months and I'm now being treated the way I treated this person while we were together. The shoe is on the other foot as they say and it hurts like hell.

I guess, i'm at the point where I believe I deserve everything that is thrown at me right now. I'm feeling the hurt, the sadness, the emptiness, and the pain that this person felt when we were together. I have had a lot of thinking and focused on the person who I was while in this relationship and I honestly hate the person THAT I USE TO BE. Key words "USE TO BE"...not the person I am today. I dont want to continue to be reminded of the person I use to be especially from this person. Actions speak louder than words and as much as I want this person to realize that I am a better person now and forever...They never will understand or believe any of this is the truth. In my heart I know I have changed and that is all that matters. It feels amazing to hear from your close friends that they can see I have grown and I have done so much changing in just a short time. I would rather focus on the person I am today because this is the person that is staying...this is the person that will continue to change for the better. But in the end, the person I care the most to see the change and realize I have done a lot of changing has no desire to see it. The thing that hurts the most is that she will continue to have this image of me being the shitty person that I use to be instead of seeing the person I am proud of right at this moment. That's where all the hurt lies.

Dear God,

Hear my prayer. Please wash away all the sin from my body. Let all the negative thoughts wash out of my head and be put to rest. Allow me to continue to better myself in every area of my life. Make me to be a better daughter, aunt, grandaughter, sister, friend, and child of God. Help me focus on the things I can change and less on the things I have no control over. Help me to fully heal from all this misery that has taken over my thoughts and life. Also, please help me love again God. If it isn't with her than help me find that person who will love me for the person that I have grown to be not the person that I once was. Please God also help her find her way and to help her find happiness in all that she does. She deserves to be completely happy...I would rather give her up if that is what it will take to have her find complete happiness. Please help me with all of this God....Help me to heal and to be strong for once. I love you God...I'm confessessing all I need help with Please God Hear My Prayers.

Amen

Change Is For The Better

There ain't nothing wrong with change

I'm going to find a way

I'm going to change it all

I'm going to fix what is broken

I just don't know what it is

I just can't find the words to explain

I'm left speechless

Mind cluttered with emotions

Heart chewed up and spit out

Even if I start to fall

Would you be there to catch me

When my world comes crashing down

Would you be there to rebuild it

These are some of my unanswered questions

I see you struggling with life

It is normal and it ain't easy

Nobody said this was a walk in the park

I'll be your saving grace

Your angel in disguise

When you feel like your falling short

Like you can't see the light

When you feel all alone

Look to me for support

I'll take the all the punches

I said I would protect you

I'll never ever leave you

It is time for your change

For you to see what is real

What will save you

Will you let it be me

I'm going to change it all
I'm going to give you the world
Just like I promised

Pieces Of Me

This week has been nothing more than mixed emotions. I just feel like I am no more than a puzzle that is trying to find every single missing piece to form a complete picture...identity. It seems like I go from one day being completely worry free to the next being smoothered in nothing but misery. I try to focus more on the positives than any negatives in my life, but that seems easier said than done. It is harder to try to forget or pretend that one is ok when in reality one is falling shy to complete happiness.

On Tuesday, my nephew was finally born at 3:46 pm (Declyn Scott McGary) I was downtown with my mom shopping for gifts for the girls when we got a phone call from my brother in law that my sister just delivered a 8 pound 4 ounce baby boy. Right away my whole body just instantly went into excitement mode. I was happy for my sister, Travis, the girls, my family, and for me. The birth of my new nephew is what I needed to help boost my overall outlook on life. The birth of Declyn felt like the rebirth of my life because I felt at the moment that he was born my life had instantly changed. I told myself by time he was born I would be somewhat a changed person from how I was and I done just waht I promised. I felt a few months ago like a jumbled up puzzle that just needed to figure out what pieces went where. And I feel like I have found majority of the pieces and have put them together piece by piece, but yet there are a few pieces hiding.

All I could remember the day Declyn was born was the overall Joy I experienced when he was born, but yet at the same time I was experiencing some sadness. The one person I wanted to share the joy of the birth of my new nephew I just couldn't contact. I wanted to tell the world how happy I was that my nephew was finally here and healthy, but yet I had the chance the tell the world but I didnt need the world I just needed to tell her. I texted all my close friends that day and sent pictures, but yet I couldn't be completely happy that day because I couldn't send her anything. It wasn't the fact I couldn't because I was unable to, it was the fact that I didn't know if she really cared about getting a message saying he was finally born or not. It all had to do with I didn't know if she honestly cared, but deep down I know she cares because I know her. I know her like she knows me and no matter the time apart and the changes we go through we will still know the real us.

When it comes down to it, life is pretty much like a puzzle. Your life is full of different pieces and they only can come together a certain way. There are the outter pieces that are like the frame work to a person and it provides as support.The inside pieces are what makes each person unique...it defines who we are as a person. Those pieces you have to search for and work your ass off sometimes it takes quite awhile to find those missing pieces. A person isn't and won't ever be fully happy without each piece put in their correct spot within their puzzle. That is what I'm at a halt with my life right now because I'm at my ultimate level of happiness right now, but I'm missing a huge piece to my puzzle and I know the exact piece I need to find. I am just waiting on the time when my life's puzzle will be whole again. Only time will tell....Time is everything.

So Much I Never Said

Everybody has their insecurities doesn't matter who the person is or if they deny it. A person will always deep down have some insecurity about themselves it could be something as their weight or even they may dislike their hair style. No matter what, the person will always  see it as a flaw making them less of a person than the person next to them. I don't know why people are placed on this earth with thinking they don't stand up to the next girl or guy, but we all have thought this once or twice in our lives or at least i know I have.

I constantly compare myself to people and I have always been a jealous person. Lets all just face it, I'm no typical girl who compares my weight to other girls or think that I wish I had bigger boobs like that girl. I'm speaking more about being that right mold, design, artwork for a girl to be with. My insecurities have arised probably since middle school or a bit later. It all started when I started having feelings for girls. I can't honestly tell anybody when I noticed myself being a tad different than the other girls in regards to who I found attractive. I just remember telling myself that I could never be better than any guy for a girl. The first time I thought that it just stuck and has continued on and on through my life thus far.

It is so bad that it even has effected my relationships that I have had. My jealous definatly increased because I was always worried that I would be left for a guy. I've been cheated on by majority of the girls I have dated and that hurts like hell. It's like a tape keeps repeating in my head saying "Janel you just aren't good enough." I worry about if the girl I am dating will leave me like they all have because they want something better than what I can give them. I can't give them a normal life, but I try my hardest to make them happy and make it as a normal life as I can. I can't give them a family like a straight couple can, but I've always wanted a family. I can't have their parents love me because all I can is be myself and love their daughter like they have always wanted somebody to do. I can't promise that a relationship won't be easy because they never are, but I can promise to make whoever I am with nothing but happiness. I can only give them what I can offer, but when it comes down to it I always fall short of perfect. All I want is one day be enough and more than enough than any guy.

After the very first time I told myself I just wont ever be good enough it turned into a mind game. My head would play tricks on myself. It turned into not being good enough to get good grades, to finish nursing school, and to even be a nurse. No matter how much I kept proving myself wrong, I just continued to believe that I'm not good enough for anything or anybody. I just want to prove myself wrong just one time and actually believe it. Well, I have believed it a few times but in all honestly my believing in myself started when I met one of my close friends. Yes, even considering all that has happened and even if she doesn't agree I still consider her one of my bestfriends. That won't ever change for me.

She reminded me that I was good enough to do anything I wanted to do. The way she pushed me and motivated me was what I needed to get back on track. I was at culvers way longer than what I was because I was affraid of applying for any nursing job, but she made me believe that I was smart enough and determined enough to go out and be a nurse. I eventually applied and now I'm working as a nurse. Not exactly where I wanted a job, but it is a nursing job and I am so blessed to have a job. I thank her for pushing me, for challenging me, and for making me see that I am good enough. I just hope one day she sees how much she saved me. There is SO MUCH I NEVER SAID so here it is out in plain view for all to see the real me.

He IS WE "And Run"

Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh,
Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.
Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh,
Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.

Kinda wish I had the courage,
A bit of bravery.
So tired of waiting on a man to come and save me.
Wishing I had everything,
Or something really.
Hard to admit it,
But now I’m thinking freely.
I’m going to open my mind to all these,
New found exciting possibilities.
Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.
I’m making all my own plans,
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Throwing all my old ones away.
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Gonna grow up, Be someone.
Draw a map, find a path.
Take a breath and run.
And run.
Filling my head with words to encourage me,
Gotta get my act so straight so I can truly believe.
That what I’m waiting for, is really worth the wait.
Stop bringing myself down,
I gotta know what makes me great.
I’m going to open my mind to all these,
New found exciting possibilities.
Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.
I’m making all my own plans,
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Throwing all my old ones away.
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Gonna grow up, Be someone.
Draw a map, find a path.
Take a breath and run.
I am trying to get past this,
Be better than I once was.
Tired of waiting, on someone else.
I am trying to get past this,
Be better than I once was.
Tired of waiting on someone else,
I can fix it by myself.
Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.
I’m finally taking a stand,
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
I’ve learned from all my mistakes.
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
I’m making all my own plans,
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Throwing all my old ones away.
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Gotta grow up, be someone.
Draw a map, find a path.
Take a breath and run.
Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh
Run, run, run, run.
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Run, run, run, run.
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.

---

Yes, Even Stars Break

The days grow longer

The nights seem endless now

It just seems like the world has stopped

Like it has stopped spinning on its axis

Like we all are on a sudden pause

Time has totally froze

I feel stuck in this moment of dispair

Disbelief that anybody can save me now

Sleepless nights, anybody there

Please answer me

Save me from me

I'm my own destruction

Tell me everything will be ok

Let me know you will rebuild my walls

Save me from myself

Save me from your world

I am troubled in my own misery

Tears are like blood from my wrists

Wake me up

Awaken me from this dream

Can you hear the screams

Do you see the last hope

The stranded being

Float out to the vast sea

Let the waves wash over me

And take me away

From this pain and misery

Give me alittle courage

Maybe a bit of bravery

Turn this rain into sunshine

Make me into your artwork

Mold me into what you want me to be

Please just save me from me

Draw a Map, Find a Path. Take a Breath and Run

Lately, my mind has wondered in so many different directions it is sometimes hard to know what is reality and what isn't. Most of my days lately have been really good, but I  have my not so good days like everybodyelse. Those are the days I find myself listening to endless amounts of music and it seems like every song just relates to my life lately. Just recently, I finally got my guitar restrung and I am back to playing music again. It is such a huge relief lifted off of my shoulders. I just soak into all the amazing amounts of music out there its the best feeling in the world. But some days I wish I could just shut off my brain for awhile and just not worry about things anymore.

My life lately seems like it is on the right track, but then slowly i drift back off course. Thats life, right?? It has been like that my whole life it seems, I dont remember when I was on the right path and I stayed there. But honestly who knows which path is the right one? Who is to say that God didnt draw this map for me? To be completely honest I still feel lost, but only God and I know what the next move I should take. I'm only human and I will probably take a few wrong turns, but I will eventually find my way.

I have made some bad decisions in my life, trust me I'm no angel. People think that I am this innocent human being, but I'm definatly not that. I define myself and nobodyelse. There are a bunch of things I have done in my life that I fully regret and I never have regrets. I have always wanted to live my life regret free, but the last few months I have changed that about  myself. I do have regrets and that is fine, but I can't change the thigns I have done in the past. The present and the future is where it lies. So, yes I do regret many things in my life and I want to share some of the more important things that I regret in the last 26th years of my life because I want to get them out for the world to see them. It is like my own little therapy session hahah.

The biggest regret is pushing God out of my life for so very long. At a young age, I would always go to church with my family, but never found interest in church because at that age I didn't fully understand the whole God, religion, and going to church thing. The older I got the further and further I pushed God away from me and I completely stopped going to church because it was my decision to go or not. I decided it just wasn't worth going or having a relationship with God for that matter. Like I said earlier, I steered off course a few times and now i'm finally back on the path accepting my faith and God into my life. I have learned that I can't get through anything that life throws at me without the help from God to help me through the obstacles of life. He is there for me to lean on to grab his hand if I ever feel lost or just needing guidance. It is the best feeling in the world to know I'm not alone and never will be even when I am no longer on this earth, but in heaven. In a later blog I will explain the why I lost my faith and how I have regained it because that will take a very long explanation and seems like a very good discussion that should have its own postiing :)

Another one of my regrets is not being able to handle my drinking and listening to the ones that love me the most that I needed to change. I have had my many drunken nights where I have said, done, and just hurt the ones I love the most while under the influence of alcohol. I am a totally different person, it's like I dont even recognize myself when I'm drunk. Drinking for me was a way to escape who I was, the emotional pain, stresses and alcohol just helped me not feel for a night. It was a get away for me..just a short trip and then in the morning I'm back to reality once again. I've had a few of my closest friends and even a girl that I loved try to tell me to stop drinking, but I would stop for a short period then drink again and I would go back to my same old drinking retardedness. It was until the last few months that I realized I couldnt change for them because it was the being told I needed to do this and it was never I wanted to do it for me and just for myself. It took me going through a bunch of emotional stress and having a lot of alone time to just focus on what I wanted and what I needed. I did stop drinking for a short time because I wanted to stop finally for myself to help better me and in that short time I thought long and hard about my drinking. I've come to the realization that it was never about the drinking it was about how I only wanted to drink to make me forget and to help me just feel better about everything in my life. But right now if I do drink I drink to have fun and don't drink if I'm ever in a bad mood or just having a shitty day. I've made a promise to myself that I never will drink again to escape my problems because they come out full force when drinking and they never go away. I have learned to fix the problems in my life without the need for alcohol. I'm not saying this wont be easy and I wont have the temptation to drink when I am having a bad day, but I have become such a stronger person in a short period of time. I'm changing for me and nobodyelse. I'm stronger than I could have ever imagined right now. I'm just going to draw a map, find a path. Take a breath and run.

Long Gone and Still Dreaming

You lie awake worrying

Wondering, wishing, hoping

Praying about this fresh new start

Is this the start of a new beginning

Or just the beginning of the end for me

How does it feel to have nothing

But everything you want is right there

You just got to reach it

Embrace it all

Happiness is far in the distance

Come closer please
Stand by my side

Smoother me with love and devotion

Let me rest assure for one last night

When will my time come

With fairytales and happy endings

No more shattered dreams

No more worried filled nights

You lie awake emotionless and broken hearted

Will the pain ever go away

Its long gone and still dreaming

Live Like We're Dying

Yesterday, was such a long exhausting day for me becasue I had to work 12.5 hours which is never an easy shift. In my line of work as a nurse I get the opportunity to meet so many new people. I get to take care of patients which no patient is ever like the patient next door. Some make me frustrated, some make me smile, but yesterday couple patients definatly taught me so much in just a short time talking with them.
It took me awhile, but I have finally realize that what happens in life God is not to blame for any of it. No matter, what happens we are all put through tests through hard times because the strong ones always pull through. God gives us no more than what he thinks we can handle plain and simple. Everybody has the right to have their bad days, but one of my patients no matter what I said to her she just kept feeling upset. She was blaming God for the reason why she was the way she is and just wanted to pity from anybody who entered her room. I explained to her that God is not to blame and that she is like this because he knew she was strong enough for the job that if this happpened to anybodyelse then maybe they wouldn't be as strong as her. It just seemed like nothing I said to her was going to help and it was like I failed. That my job is to help others to get people through to make them believe and it just wasnt happening. I wasn't joining her pity party because I realized when a person is that down on themselves that only they can help themselves nobodyelse. No matter what a person says or does when you are dug that deep in sadness they need to find a way to dig themselves out to breath again. People focus too much on the negatives in their life instead of focusing on the positives the way more important part.
One of the smartest people I know once told me "Just take it one day at a time, one step at a time and things should work out like its suppose to." I never took the time to actually listen and comphrend what this person told me because I never believed things would be ok and by slowing things down taking one moment at a time would help anything. Lately, I have had time to just sit and focus on myself and slow things up a bit because honestly I was going through life way too fast. I never stopped to focus on the small things and just focused on that moment instead of looking at tomorrow or a few days from now. Life does fly by and I believe that everybody honestly takes life for granted no matter what the case may be. I will admit that I take things, people, and life for granted but that is all in the past and I'm focusing on today.
I believe everybody should LIVE LIKE WE'RE DYING because once we are gone we are gone and there is no turning back not now and not ever.