Memories Never Fade

Have you ever wished that memories would just fade? That one day you would wake up and some memories would just up and vanish? With hopes that they would someday disappear just so you could have some reassurance of a happier life. I'm stuck in this life of amazing, unforgettable memories that I want to hold on to forever but at the same time, I wish it all would just erase from my mind. I have so many emotions weighing me down that I am losing myself. I'm losing who I once was and the person who I am now.

I could sit here and lie to everybody just to appear to be ok, but what is the good in that? I'm reminded everyday...every hour...every second of everyday of the hurt that has overcome my life. The memories are what is killing me and taking over my everything. It is the remeberance of what I had...what made me happy...what made me want to live again that is now destroying me. It is taking over my life, but I can't seem to let it all go. I'm stuck between want I want, what I need, what will make me happy, and what will make me whole again.

Nobody understands what it feels like to live a life that is so empty inside. Everything is a vivid memory of what life was when I was happy and it is hard to let that go because it was the first time in my life I felt alive. It was the first time in my life that all my insecurities that I had in my life just got thrown out the window. I finally felt good enough...finally felt wanted...finally felt loved...I finally felt like I could breath again. Right now, as I sit here those moments are nothing but a memory.

These memories are what should be easing the pain, but the pain stays close to my side. Certain songs bring tears to my eyes because they remind me of the moments that once brought a smile to my face. Certain foods should ease my hungry, but yet the memories make me sick to my stomach. Certain places I use to love to go to have fun now just brings too much remembrance of misery to my mind that fun is such a foreign word to me now. It's these memories that once pulled me from a bad place to finally living again that are now  haunting my every move.  These are what is destroying my heart please take them away so I can never remember what I once had that once made me want to live again.

These Memories never fade they are way too clear to me. If I had one wish I wish they would up and leave me just like you have. Just like you promised me you would never do.