It has been a long while since the last time I posted on here. I've written but for some reason haven't posted my last couple or haven't finished them up. But, here I am on another one of my extremely, fun-filled overnights ready to open up about what the last few months have taught me and what I have learned from the time away. Time away meaning from writing, from getting my life back to normalcy. Back to what I call a life of forgiving, learning, and apologizing. The life with God by my side.
This last week I had the oppurtunity to sit in on a great sermon at "Celebrate." Life is not meant to be a walk in the park and nobody has ever told me anything different. Everybody goes through tough times and sometimes you just feel like it just is time to give up because it is just one bad thing after the other, but nothing is too difficult to get passed when you have God in your life. This service our pastor talked about his wife cheating on him and how no matter what happened to his marriage that if he had God by his side nothingelse mattered. His life and family was built around the love of God and by having God as his savior that nothing not even his wife cheating on him could ruin his marriage if they both worked on saving it. Our pastor stated that everybody has a life of hardship, but nothing is too big for God to tackle and I mean nothing at all.
During this service and especially during the prayer, I couldn't help but tear up. These tears were good, but also disspointing tears. One great point that the pastor asked us was "if being a christian was illegal how strong of a christian would you be if you were convicted during a trial?" This question made me honestly think a lot about the person I use to be and the person I have become.
I'm not the same person I was a year ago, I'm no where close to being the person I use to be 365 days ago. I was self distructive and honestly didn't known how to be happy even if I had everything that i needed right infront of me. It took people walking out on me to finally make me realize this person is not who I wanted to be...it sure as heck wasn't the person I wanted people to get to know. I found out that I couldn't be happy with the people in my life if I wasn't happy with myself first. So, I've done a lot of soul searching and finally realized what type of person would make me proud...what type of person would make me happy to be known as. I believe I have come to the point of figuring myself out and I'm loving the person that i'm becoming.
I've become a more independent person and it feels amazing. I don't rely much on people anymore, don't get me wrong I have a huge support system in my life but when I absolutely need them they are all their for me. I just love my alone time more than ever recently and I've never been a person of needing time to myself, but it gives me time to focus on me and not having to worry about the outside world for a split second. I've had time to sit down and read a book which I haven't had time to do or wanted to do for such a long time. My taste in music has changed somewhat and I have found my love for country music, not sure if it was my roommate and bestfriends converting me but either way I love me some country music. I'm hoping to go to WE Fest in August, but those plans are still up in the air, but I hope to see two of my favorite country singers perform (Jason Aldean and Luke Bryan.) I just am excited for summer and whatever trips I may go on I know Ill make the best of wherever I end up going.
I'm planning a trip out to missouri this summer to visit somebody very special in my life. It never was suppose to lead to anything, but we all know that is easier said then done. They came into my life at the best time, last summer when I honestly was losing myself and at the same time losing such an important person in my life. It was suppose to be a few fun nights and friends we will continue being, but almost a year later and my heart seems to be telling me something completely different. I'm not going to lie, I'm affraid to give somebody apart of my heart again but how can one hoenstly prevent that from happening? I'm affraid to fall that is very apparent and it took me almost a year to tell another person "I LOve YOU." Those three words took me over a year to say and in 27 years of my life I've told two people I was in love with them and both times my heart never failed me once. I'm in love and I've fallen again, but this time I know what I need to do to keep my heart safe. I've grown and I'm finally happy with myself and the difference between this time is I now know how to be happy in a relationship, but at the same time I can continue being happy outside of one. I'm not saying this will be forever because nobody can honestly know that for sure, but all I know is they make me a better person and I haven't been this happy in awhile. I honestly believe god gave me her at the right moment possible.
