I haven't written in I think about a month or so because I have been pretty busy and just focusing on myself lately. Since, the last time I posted I have done a complete 180 in my overall attitude. I am at a completely different place emotionally and just overall in a better state of mind. It honestly is hard to explain what I have been going through the last 5 months. Nobody except myself can completely understand what I have been through emotionally, physically, and mentally these last few months. A few months ago, I would have told everybody that if I could go back and change things that I would, but right now I wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad I had to go through everything that I had to because it has turned me into a much stronger person and I have learned a lot about myself. I have discovered a lot about myself I needed to fix because how I did things wasn't ok, but I also was introduced to some very good qualities about myself that I never thought I ever had.
Lately, I have been meeting a lot of new people and going out just to socialize. This doesn't mean I'm going out and getting drunk like some people might think, but I have been going out and having a fun time. I'm less stressed and in a lot better mood this last month. I never thought I could ever get back to this point of still caring, but just letting things go because it is for the best. The moment I let go was the moment I felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I spent too many months focusing on another person rather than my happiness. I lost sight on what it meant to be happy with who I am and didn't know how to continue without this other person, but I'm slowly getting there. Please don't misinterpret what I mean by what I just said. I let go of the pain and sadness that was consuming my life, but never once have I stopped caring for that person or gave up. I'm just letting go and moving on for now to make things better for my life and to do what I should have done 6 months ago and that is respecting the whole space thing.
I have so much respect for this person and what I was doing wasn't showing any respect at all. It appeared that I was only thinking about myself and what I wanted not that they just needed time. How could I have been so stupid and disrespected the one person I care about the most? Love makes you do stupid things you would never do ever and my feelings got into the way of what was actually the right thing to do. I'm moving on from what I use to be to finally be the person that I am now. I'm moving on from what has happened in the past and just living in the now. I'm moving on so I can be whole again and keep moving forward because that is the only option. I'm done taking steps back. It is finally time to pick myself off, dust myself off and to love the life that I am so blessed with.
I could keep sulking in what has happened and keep telling myself that things should have gone better, but things happen for reasons even though it takes time to finally figure out why. Time is on our side and without what has happened I would have never figured out I needed to change. I'm so thankful for everything and everybody in my life right now. We lose certain people in our lives to make us grow and to be thankful for the people who are in our lives at that moment. Life goes on we get hurt, but we find away to get through the pain. It is time to take the pain that has overcome me the last 6 months and move on from it. I'm ready to move on from my life then to focus and finally live my life that is happening right this minute. Moving forward is the only option. I'm not sure how things will end up or who I'll find happiness with again. All I know is I can finally say I'll be ok and I'll be ok without them.
