A person honestly can not see what is truly going on until they are looking at it from the outside. You never can clearly identify the areas that are not working, that need to be fixed until you are sometimes forced too. I've been blessed (I feel like it was a blessing) to be forced to tear apart the last few years of my life to realize the person that I was becoming and how I was treating the ones I loved. It took me some time, but I have gotten to the point I'm fixing the areas in my life to better myself and just better everything in general. I have discovered in these last few months that I was controlling in certain areas of my relationship. In my previous relationship, I felt like I was protecting them from certain things but in reality I was controlling them from figuring out life on their own. I didn't see how controlling I was until I was on the outside of the relationship looking in. It was not ok. I was selfish in my ways and that is never ok especially in terms of a relationship. We both loved spending time together, but no time apart is never the right answer. Having no space apart ruined the amount of good times we had because we never had time apart. We never had our alone time, our own time to breath. I got caught up in the relationship and I forgot I had a life outside of it. You identify the things that you did wrong and you fix them and that is what I've been focusing on fixing what I was so stupid to let happen.
It got to the point I started focusing majority of my time on myself and I neglected the feelings of the other person. Don't take that the wrong way, I never stopped caring about the other persons feelings ever but I was focusing more on what I was struggling with than of the other persons issues. I tried to be there as much as I could, but I just wasn't strong at that point to help when I couldn't handle things I was going through. It is the honest truth that you can't help anybodyelse until you are ok yourself. And a huge part of it was I never felt good enough to be with this person or anybody for that matter.
I'm on the path of fixing and bettering things for myself, I'm becoming stronger and healthier for myself to one day allow that other person to lean on me for support when needed. It comes with time and the strength is within ourselves, it always has been. It just takes times, faith in god, and self strength to honestly find your true self and until that you do that you can't be 100% happy in a relationship. I'm unrevealing on a daily basis, the things that I did wrong, the hurt I caused, and the controlling side to me in my past to help fix myself to make damn sure it never happens again. It is taking time, but I feel like I'm on the right path to a better me and it feels amazing for the first time. Right now, I am at a higher level of confidence. My need to control things in my life honestly is out the window. Each day is going to happen like it is suppose to because honestly only God knows the path of your life. Tomorrow is a new day and right now I'm focusing on myself then next step is to show the ones I love that I have changed. Actions speak louder than words as they say. We are just the passengers on this rollercoaster of life. You take one day at a time and everything should fall into place the way it is suppose to. Space and time is a difficult thing, but a few months is nothing when you have a lifetime right?
